The Lighter Side of Transformation

with Lisa Wessan, LICSW

Jul 7

Free Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Group offered at the Cameron Senior Center, Westford, MA

by Lisa Wessan, LICSW

I am delighted to be sharing this learning opportunity with you. May this program serve you wellđź’™

As part of a six-month program, I am presenting Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Training in person at the Cameron Senior Center in Westford, MA.  

To learn more, go to page 6 of this newsletter: 

20220701Newsletter (westfordma.gov)

TO REGISTER:
Generously funded by a grant from the Greater Lowell Community Foundation, even though it is free to attend, you must pre-register by calling this number: 
(978) 692-5523

WHEN:
You can still attend the last two sessions:
1 – 3 PM on both August 12 and September 9, 2022.
You can attend these two workshops out of sequence and still gain value.

WHERE: 

Cameron Senior Center

20 Pleasant Street, Westford, MA 01886 (free parking)

Please do not contact me – I am not involved with registration!  They have a limited seat count, but plenty of room.  CALL NOW to reserve your spot!

Onward and Upward✨

Lisa Wessan

#DBT, #PTSD, #EmotionRegulation #DistressTolerance, #Wellness #Recovery #Peak, #Mindfulness Transformation Uncategorized Updates Westford, MA

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Feb 19

How Toxic Positivity Can Affect Your Health: Benefits of Complaining

by Lisa Wessan, LICSW

Katie Couric spoke to a therapist about how she grieved Jay’s death, the dangers of toxic positivity and the benefits of negativity.
— Read on katiecouric.com/health/dangers-of-toxic-positivity-benefits-of-negativity/

🌀On the importance of doing a thorough Brain Dump to release and let go of your unexpressed grief, rage, disgust and other negative feelings. You cannot do a Spiritual or Cognitive By-Pass!

🌀Tears are the language of grief, and messy, hard crying jags are on the road to wellness.

🌀After reading this article, I will never again say “Everything happens for a reason” (out loud). Mea culpa, mea culpa…

Anxiety depression Distress Tolerance Emotional Regulation stress

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Sep 10

Feeling Blue? Try donating your blood

by Lisa Wessan, LICSW

Giving blood can be surprisingly uplifting. I donate every eight weeks or so because it feels so good to make that immediate positive impact.

From my personal and professional experience, I have come to understand that searching for happiness is a somewhat bleak cause. Happiness can be fleeting, flimsy, fast. Instead of searching for happiness, searching for ways to feel useful and peaceful are much better drivers for feeling good, which can lead to more joy — which is long lasting and not based on external stimuli. Feeling useful and peaceful is the foundation for all good things in my life.

Giving blood checks off so many boxes, plus according to Tim Ferriss’ research (THE FOUR HOUR BODY), donating blood successfully lowers your probability of getting cancer. This is because when you donate blood, the iron stores within your body remain at a more healthy level. Studies have shown that a lower iron store level in the body is connected to a lower cancer risk. This has several significant benefits for health and longevity.

In sum, giving blood is a total WIN/WIN event…you get a sweet bump up for feeling useful and peaceful plus you lower your odds of getting cancerđź’™

đź’Ą INTO ACTION? You can easily make an appointment here: http://www.redcrossblood.org or call 1-800-RED CROSS. đź’Ą

Don’t take my word for it, be a good scientist in the laboratory of your life… make a donation and just observe how you feel afterwards.

Onward and Upward✨

Lisa Wessan

Awe and Wonder Connection Longevity Mindfulness Transformation Uncategorized

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Aug 25

Say Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything, by Viktor E. Frankl

by Lisa Wessan, LICSW

Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything by Viktor E. Frankl

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I appreciate the succinct and compact composition of this unabridged audio book. As much as I loved Frankl’s earlier book, Man’s Search for Meaning, this one extracts the essence of Frankl’s Logotherapy (the power of meaning and purpose in life). He provides valuable ideas and interventions geared towards Solution Focused therapy.

I continue to be touched, moved and inspired by Frankl, on ever deeper and more meaningful levelsđź’™



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Distress Tolerance Emotional Regulation Living in Ambiguity Resiliency Spiritual Renewal The To Be List Uncategorized

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May 11

The difference between a flower and a weed is a judgment. ~ Unknown

by Lisa Wessan, LICSW

During my morning hike I came across this beautiful field of dandelions…

Weeds or flowers?

I choose flowersđź’•

The Dandelion Story

A man bought a new house and decided that he was going to have a very beautiful lawn.  He worked on it every week, doing everything the gardening books told him to do. His biggest problem was that the lawn always seemed to have dandelions growing where he didn’t want them.  

The first time he found dandelions, he pulled them out. But, alas, they grew back. He went to his local gardening store and bought weed killer. This worked for some time, but after summer rains, alas, he found dandelions again.  He worked and pulled and killed dandelions all summer.

The next summer he thought he would have no dandelions at all, since none grew over winter. But, then, all of a sudden, he had dandelions all over again. This time he decided the problem was with the type of grass.  So, he spent a fortune and had all new sod put down. This worked for some time and he was very happy. Just as he started to relax, a dandelion came up. A friend told him it was due to the dandelions in the lawns of his neighbors. So he went on a campaign to get all his neighbors to kill all their dandelions.  

By the third year, he was exasperated. He still had dandelions. So, after consulting every local expert and garden book, he decided to write the U.S. Department of Agriculture for advice. Surely the government could help. After waiting several months, he finally got a letter back. He was so excited. Help at last! He tore open the letter and read the following:  

“Dear Sir: We have considered your problem and have consulted all of our experts. After careful consideration, we think we can give you very good advice. Sir, our advice is that you learn to love those dandelions.”[De Mellow, A. (1984). The song of the bird. New York: Image Books.]

This is a story about Radical Acceptance, and learning to accept the things we cannot change. Radical Acceptance is a lifelong process that you experience each day, in many opportunities and forms. Notice all the dandelions in your life. Some might be close family and friends, others might be strangers. Most important, do not judge your judging – just observe and let it go🌟


	


	
	
Uncategorized What is Joy?


	
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			Apr
			21
		
	

	





	
Pandemic Retreat Tip 4 – Allowing time for Daily Grief Work

	by Lisa Wessan, LICSW

	

		
avoiding-5-stages-grief-visibility-program


Our culture has difficulty sitting still with feelings.  There is too often an attempt to keep busy and ignore the discomfort of our negative feelings. It has been my experience that many otherwise healthy people want to bypass their phases of grief and jump into positive thinking, avoiding those dark and mysterious pathways of  emotion.


Now we are faced with micro and macro levels of Ambiguous Loss and Grief.   Ambiguous Loss is when you lose someone but not all the way.  For example, you could lose a loved one to illness, such as Alzheimers Disease, Alcoholism, Cancer, Food Addiction/Anorexia. Your loved one might be lost at sea or on a mountain.


Ambiguous Loss is most painful when you live with someone who is “here but not here.”  If your loved one watches multiple hours of Netflix, or video games, and you miss them, you are experiencing Ambiguous Loss.  If your loved one is slowly deteriorating from any illness or addiction, and you are watching them slowly disappear, you are experiencing Ambiguous Loss. When you break up a relationship, divorce, move away, you experience Ambiguous Loss, “here but not here.”


Today we have the Ambiguous Loss of our culture and daily routines. By not seeing the people, places and things that make up our life, we develop anticipatory anxiety of what will come next.  The anxiety then quickly morphs into Anticipatory Grief.


What is Anticipatory Grief?


I defer to Scott Berinato who unpacks our micro and macro Anticipatory Grief so usefully in his recent article in the Harvard Business Review (23 March 2020).  Berinato interviews David Kessler, who is one of our leading grief experts, and explores Kessler’s overview of our current pandemic existence. Learn more here: That Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief.   


You may  think you are lonely, or exhausted, or anxious. That may be true. But I would agree with Berinato and Kessler in that you probably have unexpressed grief (and rage), which is clogging up your inner world.


It’s exhausting to repress grief and “act as if” you are perfectly fine. Yet we are called upon to buckle up and deal with life on life’s terms, so there is no binary solution here. We are asked to grieve our current losses and future losses PLUS carry on and live our lives.  So how is this possible?   By scheduling some Grief Work time into your calendar. Allowing time to release and let go will enhance your life as you release the inner pressure. Give yourself permission to unravel a bit.


Tears are the language of grief. Something I frequently suggest to my clients is  “Make some time to do your Grief Work.  Let it flow out of you.”  Most people resist this process and just hope by keeping super busy (or medicated or numbed with screen time) they can bypass the Grief Work.  Nay, nay, it must be done.  Cry now or cry later, but crying will help release those grief-balls that are jamming you up.


CS Lewis grief (2)


When we begin to honestly defrost our grief with each other and then seek solutions for our dilemmas, we start to feel a little better.  I am a fan of the stoic philosophy, but just focusing on solutions and keeping a stiff upper lip all the time is not helpful — something within shuts down and can go numb inside from repressing all that emotion.


Perhaps one of the silver linings from the Corona virus is that now, in this time of profound herd vulnerability, we will be more authentic with ourselves and each other?  Simple, but not easy. This is a practice that takes as long as it takes, perhaps lifetimes.


I have come to believe that your vulnerability is your superpower.  When you are brave enough to be vulnerable, you release, let go and successfully move on.  This is part of the multidimensional journey to wholeness and deep fulfillment💙


References:


Berinato, S. (23 March 2020). Harvard Business Review. That discomfort you are feeling is grief. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief


Mitchell, S. (1988). Tao Te Ching. New York: Harper Collins.


Wessan, L. (05 JAN 2019). On the “Myth of Closure,” Ambiguous Loss and Complicated Grief.  Retrieved from https://mirthmaven.blog/2019/01/05/on-the-myth-of-closure-ambiguous-loss-and-complicated-grief/


Helpful Scriptures for increased bravery and courage for your Grief Work:

Psalms 23, 31, 46, 126

Deuteronomy 31:6

Ecclesiastes 1:18

Proverbs 14:13


Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2020. All rights reserved.

	


	
	
Ambiguous Loss Anxiety Coronavirus Retreat depression Distress Tolerance Emotional Regulation grief Living in Ambiguity Mindfulness Pandemic Uncategorized


	
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			Dec
			15
		
	

	





	
My Ongoing Battle of the Bulge Continues…I reached my  50 lb. milestone!

	by Lisa Wessan, LICSW

	

		
For those of us who have more than a few pounds to shed, it is usually requires a multimodal and multidimensional effort…To that end, below please find a brief summary of my Fabulous Foursome for Successful Weight Loss and Good Health.  Learn more here as we hasten slowly towards our best health and lifestyle ever!  


09/19/19 |


So it turns out that after taking at least 10,000 roads to wellness over the past 50 years, my sacred formula for success is a multimodal treatment plan combining Weight Watchers (WW),  Yoga,  Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Forest Bathing.


I’m grateful to share that I feel light as a feather…even though I have a long way to go.


For those of you still struggling with the 3Fs (Food, Fat, Fear), I’d like to invite you to pick at least one of these paths to wellness and begin to unpack the multidimensional conflicts that keep you in the Plus Sizes.


I’ll briefly describe each one, and may you find your solution soon!


1. WW (Wellness WINS! aka Weight Watchers)


First, let’s deal with the food. Good food, good mood, right?  Who is ever happy living in deprivation, with an “all or nothing” restrictive food plan?  For years, I used to manage my weight by eating no sugar, flour, booze, fried food and more restrictions.   I would be slim for a while, sometimes as long as seven years, but then as soon as I picked up one of the Forbidden Foods, e.g. chocolate, or wine, chips or whatever, I would blow it, fall off the wagon and spiral into a relapse of some sort. I believed the mythology that I could not eat one of anything, that for cookies, “One is not enough, but a thousand are too many.”    I was caught up in a kind of cult-like belief that I was a food and sugar addict and had to live my life in a Black and White, All or Nothing paradigm or else I would binge my brains out and be morbidly obese.


I even found doctors and research that supported this idea!  Fun fact:  this is NOT true.


I needed some serious cognitive restructuring, which I finally received. I had to let go of my former Belief System (B.S.) and move into a new realm where I knew nothing about food. Oh yes, I reached the critical point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired,  the best place to “achieve” the sweet surrender of the Beginner Mind.  I finally let go of my B.S., and opened my mind to a new way of looking at food, fat, carbs and more. It happened to be unexpectedly delivered by WW.


WW is an international organization, so you can join anywhere in the world you have internet service.  To sweeten this experiment, if you click on the link below, you can get a free month to try it out, and see how it goes.  That’s what I did.


[GET YOUR FREE WW MONTH TODAY!]


Fast forward to 2019… now it’s easier than ever to eat what you love and lose weight. Click HERE for one month free to explore… You can refund your misery after 30 days if this does not work for you!


The best part of WW is the Mindfulness training…there’s a lot of brilliant cognitive restructuring built into the weekly lessons and discussions in the Workshops, and in the online Connect community. Plus the WW App is totally genius for tracking your food (comes with the membership). I’ve used MyFitnessPal and other weight loss/fitness apps – this one beats them out hands down.


Good health is wealth, GO FOR IT!   [Note: don’t bother getting the WW cookbooks, because all of the recipes are online and the App.]


2. YOGA AND WEIGHT LOSS


I originally went to yoga just to STRETCH, to avoid getting injuries.  In the past, I would get Plantar Fasciitis,  shin splits,  and other sports related injuries because even at my top weight, I did a lot of walking, hiking and working out but not enough stretching. Yikes. It was a bitter and painful lesson to me, that not enough stretching causes incapacitation!


Imagine my surprise, when I started attending yoga classes, and discovered how much unexpressed grief, rage, sadness and other negative emotions I could release on the mat.  It was powerful for me, and continues to be a very helpful emotional release.  I need it.  It is definitely part of my weight loss success here.  See if you can find a yoga studio near your home or office.  Gentle suggestion: If you are new to yoga, or have any kind of physical challenge/injury/Plus Size body, start with the Restorative Yoga, which is deeply healing and relaxing.  That’s what I did.  I went from Restorative Yoga to more active Vinyasa Yoga (a bit more cardio).  I do both now.


3. DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY (“DBT”), SOLUTION-FOCUSED THERAPY AT ITS BEST


These skills of Emotion Regulation, Distress Tolerance, Interpersonal Effectiveness and Mindfulness  are necessary for the cognitive restructuring you need to move away from that toxic All or Nothing mindset, designed for Recovering Perfectionists like me. 


Big Bonus:  DBT relieves depression, anxiety, mood swings, OCD spectrum and other behavioral issues that can be barriers to weight loss, and other long term goal driven projects. 


Grateful and shameless plug: If you follow my blog, you already know that I am a passionate trainer of evidence-based Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills  and believe that these therapeutic psychoeducation courses should be taught in third grade to all humans. (Check out my web site for upcoming groups, which are running throughout the year.)


4. FOREST BATHING: DEEP HEALING FROM HIKING OR WALKING IN THE WOODS


If you’re still reading this, you are clearly motivated to make a change.  So are you truly sick and tired of being sick and tired?  Is this it?  Are you DONE suffering with the 3Fs?  If so, put on your walking shoes, sneakers or hiking boots and spend a little time on the trails.


It has been my experience that there is a healing force field that is very strong in the woods.  You need to drag your tired self over there and walk, even for ten minutes, to get into that healing field. Even better,  hug a few trees.  See what happens.


Selby 1

Selby Gardens, Sarasota, FL (December, 2019)


Notice if you suddenly feel as if your head has cleared, and you feel a bit more peaceful, or, dare I say it, even joyful?  I am 100% confident that the time I spend in the woods has contributed to my weight loss, and not just because I am burning fat on the trails.  No, it is the good energy shift I feel.  It helps me make more loving choices with my food, and my thoughts are transformed into better thoughts.   If you are curious, you can learn more here…


You might also enjoy this article I wrote, that was published in the SOCIAL WORK VOICE journal,  about the clinical benefits of walking in the woods,  Walk and Talk Therapy: Moving Towards Wholeness.


In sum, I hope at least one of these four options — WW, Yoga, DBT or Forest Bathing —  help you in your journey towards wholeness, lightness and feeling good in your body.   May you find that peace with your food soon, however you get there!


Onward and Upward,


To your best life ever,


Lisa Wessan


Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2019. All rights reserved.

	


	
	
Gardens Good Food, Good Mood Longevity Team WW Mindful Eating Transformation Weight management


	
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			Nov
			28
		
	

	





	
Some Mindfulness and Emotion Regulation Resources for a More Peaceful Holiday Season

	by Lisa Wessan, LICSW

	

		
Hi,


I hope this message finds you well.


During the holidays, especially Thanksgiving-Christmas/Hanukah/Kawanzza-New Year’s-Valentines Day, aka The Red Zone, there are many more opportunities to feeling the pain of Compare and Despair, neglect, arguments, loss, grief and a boatload of intense feelings.


You may also be forced to spend time with a relative you despise, or be tempted to eat food or drinks that make you feel sick. While being triggered all over the place, your impulse issues may be whispering in your ear, “Drink me, eat me, buy me, smoke me, shop me, gamble me, escape into video games/Netflix” on and on.


Everyone goes through this, but some of you feel it a lot more deeply.


To that end, I want to offer you a few resources from my MirthMaven archives to help you get through The Red Zone.  May you find some wonderful skills and tools here to get through those midnight blues, or whenever the intense feelings feel like too much:


    

  1. Extra Tools for Letting Go  (Wessan, November 2018, 25 min). You may enjoy this useful and entertaining video of ways to quickly let go of harsh feelings.
    2. 

  2. The Red Zone – Chock full of tips and techniques for help with this holiday season.
    3. 

  3. Compare and Despair – added insight for social media distress, feeling left out, unloved, unwanted.
    4. 



As always, let’s remember that “Feelings are not Facts,” and to practice being a good observer as the storm passes through you. Reminding yourself that “This too shall pass,” “I can do HARD things” and “Never Give Up” can help to carry you through the tough times.


At the very least, remember to use the “Take 5” breathwork method: inhale to the count of five, hold for five seconds, and release to the count of five.   Repeat for at least six rounds of Take 5 breaths, to get re-centered and regain some inner calm. 


May you have a more peaceful holiday season,


Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2019. All rights reserved.


 

	


	
	
#DBT, #PTSD, #EmotionRegulation #DistressTolerance, #Wellness #Recovery #Peak, #Mindfulness Anxiety depression Detachment Distress Tolerance Emotional Regulation Holidays Interpersonal Effectiveness Mindfulness Transformation Uncategorized


	
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			Oct
			27
		
	

	





	
My Butternut Bonanza, side dish or dessert

	by Lisa Wessan, LICSW

	

		
You asked, so here is my most recent discovery in the kitchen…


Butternut Bonanza (side dish or dessert)


Prep time: 10 Minutes

Cook time: 50 minutes

Team WW = 4 points (Serves 1)


Ingredients:


2 c. cooked butternut squash (or canned pumpkin)


Liquid Stevia to taste (usually four or five drops are enough, approximately half a squirt)

Cinnamon to taste

Salt to taste


½ c. Unsweetened apple sauce


¼ c. granola (my favorites are Trader Joe’s Gluten Free Fruit and Nut, or KIND Maple Quinoa Clusters)


My husband doesn’t like butternut, so I prepare this just for myself. I usually roast one whole butternut in four sections, good for four meals. But I add ingredients to only one section at a time.


First, I give it a good scrub down, to be able to eat the skin because the skin is loaded with nutrients. Second, scoop out seeds and discard. Cut in half, and then into quarters.


Spray your pan with Canola or other spray oil. I like to use a large CorningWare pan for this.


Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes (or longer, if it’s a bigger squash). For average sized squash, 50 minutes will be enough.


Take one of the quarters and with a fork mash up the squash within the skin adding Stevia, cinnamon and some salt. Return to shell of skin. Then top with applesauce, and  granola (think of a stuffed baked potato). If you have time, you could put the one piece back in the oven for 10 minutes to warm up the applesauce and granola, or eat as is. I think the warmth from the squash warms up the applesauce enough.


For the remaining 3 portions, definitely reheat each piece as needed, then mash with Stevia, cinnamon and salt, add applesauce and granola. It seems to taste freshest this way.


I hope you enjoy this savory side dish or yummy dessert!


Onward and Upward,


Lisa Wessan

	


	
	
Good Food, Good Mood Holidays Recipes Team WW Mindful Eating Weight management


	
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			Oct
			26
		
	

	





	
One of my favorite dialectical quotes…

	by Lisa Wessan, LICSW

	

		
#DBT du jour:


“Love tells me I’m everything. Wisdom tells me I’m nothing. And between the two my life flows.”


– Sri Nisargadatta


What does dialectical mean?  Learn more HERE. 


If you are challenged with depression, anxiety, social issues, relationship troubles, impulse issues or addiction, DBT skills will help you become healthier, stronger and more capable of coping with your emotions.  DBT is a Solution Focused therapy that gets effective results, and quickly!


Up Next:  Mindfulness and Interpersonal Effectiveness skills training in Westford, MA starts 11/06/19. Learn more HERE. 


Fun fact: when you worry about the past too much, you become depressed; when you obsess about the future, you become anxious.  Learning to live in the present moment, aka practicing Mindfulness, can reduce 90% of your depression and anxiety.  Yes, you will still need to learn better ways to solve your life’s issues, but if you learn to stay in the  present  you will be so much more peaceful and useful.  Learning Mindfulness skills helps you get there.


If this speaks to you, please visit lisawessan.com and complete the CONTACT FORM.  I will contact you within 24 hours to discuss joining our next DBT group or working together individually, whatever you need.


Onward and Upward,

Lisa Wessan


Four leaf DBT


 

	


	
	
Anxiety depression Detachment Emotional Regulation Interpersonal Effectiveness Mindfulness


	
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