The Lighter Side of Transformation

with Lisa Wessan, LICSW

“Action is the antidote to despair.” – Joan Baez

I attended my first No Kings Rally in Nashua, NH this past weekend, 10/18/25.

I went way out of my comfort zone to be there.

My concerns:
1. The noise, people screaming. Megaphones. I have high acuity hearing – “Dog Ears” – so loud sounds hurt. 2. The Covid Factor. 3. Heavy urban traffic, congestion, parking.

I’m grateful to report that this was a peaceful and not too noisy rally. Parking was easy. As of this writing, I’m Covid free. So all my fears were allayed.

I was most deeply affected listening to the WW II veterans. They drew astute parallels to the fascism of other countries and their WW II battle fatigue. They experienced so much loss and grief to fight for our freedom and democracy. And now, POOF! Our freedoms are eroding away daily.

There were also some beautiful art works created with such loving messages. These were my favorites:

I learned so much from being at the Rally. I realized that I need to step up once again and become more active with the resistance.

Before my sweet younger sister and husband got sick, I used to attend the INDIVISIBLE meetings in my town. Due to both the pandemic and my increasing caregiver burnout I chose to take a pause on my participation there.

Now that my sister and husband are resting in peace, I am 80% recovered from those chronic medical traumas. I believe I can be more useful and helpful again.

Another action tool that is part of the “Antidote for despair” is using the 5 Calls App. This is an excellent tool to be effective and also lower your blood pressure and cortisol levels quickly! I’ve shared about it before, Reduce anxiety: use the 5 Calls App

However you choose to express yourself, please remember, “There are no victims, only volunteers!” If you decide to do nothing, that is not nothing. Your tacit approval is built into doing “nothing.”

Gentle suggestion….take one tiny action per week to put forward your beliefs and reduce your anxiety. Action is the magic word!

Onward and Upward✨

Lisa Wessan

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What are the seven attitudes of Mindfulness?

Mindfulness has grown into a significant industry with extensive literature on the subject. Among Western contributors to mindfulness, Jon Kabat-Zinn (1990) is one of our thought leaders on this topic. He outlined seven now classical attitudes of mindfulness. These attitudes are elaborated upon here, for your reflection and more insight.

  1. Non-Judging – Try to become aware of your mind as it judges and assesses things, situations, and people. With Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), you learn to observe your judgmental thoughts while you are synthesizing your opposite beliefs. You might even count them to detach from them. Don’t stop yourself from being critical but instead observe yourself and thoughts without criticism. This will lead after some time to the realization that you are often functioning from a critical mode. This is not the healthiest point of view. Judging yourself (and others) causes stressful cortisol spikes, for every thought becomes a chemical reaction in your body.

  2. Patience – Healing takes time, so be patient with yourself and notice small progress. Join my Recovering Perfectionists club and embrace failing forward—growth comes from stepping out of your comfort zone and learning from mistakes.

  3. Beginner’s Mind – This is a mindset that is willing to see the world as a beginner and not as someone who has all the answers. Another way to express the Beginner’s Mind is the child’s point of view – you still have some wonder and a sense openness to new ideas. Learn to be curious, not furious, about your state of being. Let go of SHAME for not being perfect.  SHAME = SHOULD HAVE ALREADY MASTERED EVERYTHING.  Nay, Nay, you can be exactly where you are without any shame, perfectly imperfect.   You’re on your way. Yes, you are good enough, as is (and you could improve).

  4. Trust – Learn to trust your own ideas and feelings. You don’t need to defer to all the experts if something doesn’t ring true for you. Begin to know that your inner wisdom is best.  

  5. Non-Striving – Sometimes you don’t need to do anything – just be. Don’t try so hard to relax, thinking about ways to accomplish relaxation – watch how you feel when you stop striving. This includes letting go of your Compare and Despair, especially on social media. People typically post their “Happy Reel.” You don’t see the grimy, depressing, conflicted stuff they are dealing with privately.

  6. Acceptance – See things as they are; do you still need to lose weight? So be it. Are you still arguing with your spouse? Life gets LIFEY! Are you chronically constipated, depressed, exhausted? You’re taking action to move on. You don’t need to sugar-coat anything. This is how your life is and recognizing the reality of your life allows you to move forward and work on healing.

  7. Letting Go – You recognize that not all of your behaviors, thoughts and feelings have served you well. You need to make some changes in your life and that can happen when you accept your circumstance, then you will begin to make changes and let go of negative patterns. The paradox of letting go includes the 3 A’s: Awareness-Acceptance-Action.   During the Awareness phase, you are just waking up to your true reality, the beautiful and brutal truth of the life you are living. When you let go of your judgments and negative self-talk, you enter the Acceptance phase, and the healing begins. Before you know it, you are taking new actions and transforming your life.

References

Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain and illness. New York, NY: Delacorte.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

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Just for Today, by Sybil F. Partridge

1.  Just for today I will be happy.  This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”  Happiness is from within; it is not a matter of externals.

2.  Just for today I will try to adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.  I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come and fit myself to them.

3.  Just for today I will take care of my body.  I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse nor neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.

4.  Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind.  I will learn something useful.  I will not be a mental loafer.  I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

5.  Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways;  I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out.  I will do at least two things I don’t want to do as William James suggests, just for exercise.

6.  Just for today I will be agreeable.  I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticize not at all, nor find fault with anything and not try to regulate nor improve anyone.

7.  Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not to tackle my whole life problem at once.  I can do things for twelve hours that would appall me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

8.  Just for today I will have a program.  I will write down what I expect to do every hour.  I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it.  It will eliminate two pests, hurry and indecision.

9.  Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax.  In this half hour sometimes I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective into my life.

10.  Just for today I will be unafraid, especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those I love, love me.

If we want to develop a mental attitude that will bring us peace and happiness, here is Rule #1:

Think and act cheerfully, and you will feel cheerful.

Written by Sybil F. Partridge   1916 and printed in
How To Stop Worrying, And Start Living, by Dale Carnegie, 1951

LW: Whenever you set a new intention, or want to develop a positive new habit, or break an old negative habit, start something new, always remember, “Progress not Perfection.” Old ways are tough to change, but it will get done. Slowly, slowly, you can do it. You can do hard things…There is a solution…Never give up💙

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Welcome to our Podcast, PROCESS RECORDINGS

My colleague, Heath Hightower, Ph.D of Somerville, MA, invited me to join him on this exciting adventure in learning. We started percolating on ideas in the summer of 2024. It was an invigorating and joyful process to brainstorm ideas with Heath. We come from different backgrounds, have colorful geographical and spiritual contrast. This adds more flavor to the feast. Fast forward to 2025, where we have now recorded 18 episodes…

For each topic, such as ANXIETY, we have a Part I and Part 2. In Part 1, we review the terms and definitions of the issue. We do a brief literature review. Heath favors research studies and analytical journals. I go deep on clinical books for intense bibliotherapy. Together, we present an excellent overview and foundation of the topic.

In Part 2, we delve into solution focused practical skills. These skills are tactical and useful for moving into a gentle healing and recovery mode.

Skill Power vs. Will Power? Hands down, Skill Power wins every time! How do you recover from anxiety? How can you turn around toxic shame? How do you set healthy boundaries? Yes, Part 2 explores the “HOW TO” realm. This includes tools, tips, and techniques that Heath and I have found useful. (Together we have over 50 years of combined experience!)

To start your journey with Heath and I, please visit PROCESS RECORDINGS. May these discussions help you increase your capacity for success, abundance, love and more inner peace in your journey towards wholeness💙

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Mastering Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills (DBT): 14-Week Distress Tolerance and Mindfulness Skills Training, starts June 10, 2025, 7:30 – 9 PM EST (on Zoom)

Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amidst the storm…

Hi, 

I’m excited to be teaching the next 14-week semester of Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills (DBT).  This semester we will cover Distress Tolerance & Mindfulness Skills.

🌀 Click here for the current DBT FLYER.

DBT skills significantly help to reduce the escalation of your inflammatory emotions. They also lessen the painful, polarized and perfectionist thinking that often cause your meltdowns. You will learn to find your peaceful “Middle Path” here. 

There are many powerful skills included in this semester’s work. We hope you will create your own personal Distress Tolerance tool kit. Use the techniques that work the best for you.

Unfortunately, there is no “one size fits all” with these various techniques. You need to be a good scientist in the laboratory of your life and try them all out.  To that end, DBT provides excellent handouts, worksheets and exercises to help you practice between sessions. You will eventually find the techniques that you love. These techniques will help you pause successfully. They will transform difficult moments into something better.

You might have someone in mind for this next DBT Group. If so, please have them contact me soon at my web site – www.lisawessan.com – and fill out the Contact Form. This private form helps them briefly tell me the best times to reach them. (It also guides them to check out their insurance for the Out of Network benefit.)

Please know, this is a NO-SPAM zone, and no one’s email is saved unless requested to do so.

14-week fee: $1120 for continuing students, $1420 for new students (includes one Intake session.)  

It is an honor to serve your friends, family, patients or clients with this powerful, experiential, transformative curriculum.

Onward and Upward✨
Lisa Wessan

“If you can recognize and accept your pain
without running away from it,
you will discover that although pain is there,
joy can also be there at the same time.”

~ Thich Nhat Hanh, No Mud, No Lotus

Lisa Wessan, LICSW, CLYL, RM
Psychotherapist, Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Trainer (DBT),
Podcaster, Author, Speaker
www.lisawessan.com
UP NEXT: DBT Distress Tolerance & Mindfulness Skills (Virtual, June 3 – September 2, 2025)
🌀✨🌀✨🌀✨🌀✨🌀✨🌀✨🌀✨🌀✨🌀✨🌀✨🌀✨🌀✨🌀✨🌀

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Effective Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Open Enrollment Now

 
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~ Viktor E. Frankl

 

I am delighted to announce that the next virtual 14-week Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills (DBT) Group will be meeting on Tuesday evenings, 7:30 – 9 PM EST, February 18 – May 20, 2025.  We will be covering both the Mindfulness and Emotion Regulation modules.  (This is an ongoing group that has open enrollment periods three times per year.)

[If you would like to receive a copy of the full 14-week curriculum, please request one HERE. (This is a NO-SPAM Zone, so your email will not be added to any list unless you request it.]

The Mindfulness material includes:

  • Learning how to be a good observer, describing your feelings, participating more fully in life
  • How to become non-judgmental of yourself and others
  • Staying in the present moment with more ease
  • Practicing being effective for the greater good of your family, workplace, community
  • Accessing Wise Mind (aka higher self, higher consciousness)
  • Understanding Reality Acceptance and detaching from negative or critical thoughts.
  • Shifting from Willfulness to Willingness

The Emotion Regulation module has four sections:

  • Understanding and Naming Emotions
  • Changing Emotional Responses
  • Reducing Vulnerability to Emotion Mind (your highly reactive and difficult emotions)
  • Managing Extremely Difficult Emotions

As DBT founder Dr. Marsha Linehan says, “It is difficult to manage your emotions when you do not understand how emotions work. Knowledge is power.”

GROUP ATMOSPHERE: My students are well mannered, high functioning and convivial.  For those who occasionally tend to demand more attention, want to give inappropriate feedback and/or act out in any way, I do have a strong “Respectful Communication Policy” in place and several useful group rules which help to maintain a safe, harmonious and cohesive group atmosphere.  All are welcome, but there is no allowance for rude or harsh behavior.

Group members will continue to process their unresolved traumas in their individual therapy, not in this group. This is a therapeutic psychoeducation program. (It is NOT group therapy.)

For dates, fees, videos and more details, please visit
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy | Lisa Wessan

May this serve you or your loved ones well in their journey towards wholeness and more inner peace.

Onward and Upward🌀

Lisa Wessan

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UP NEXT: Spring/Summer 2024 Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills Training May 21 – August 27, 2024 (on Zoom)

Hi,
I’m excited to be continuing to teach the evidence-based Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Training (“DBT”) on Tuesdays nights, 7:30 – 9:00 PM EST, in the Zoom Classroom…

It takes one year to complete the full curriculum, but I divide the work into three trimesters.

January – April we study “Emotion Regulation,” May – August is “Distress Tolerance,” September – December is “Interpersonal Effectiveness.” We explore and review Mindfulness skills the first few weeks of each trimester. 

UP NEXT: we are moving towards wholeness and more inner peace studying “Distress Tolerance.”

There are still a few spots still open for this Spring/Summer term.  Learn more here: 

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy | Lisa Wessan

Fast Facts: 

  • All 90-minute groups are $75/Week (see FAQ on web site for PPO/insurance details).
  • Students pay in full prior to start of group. [New students need to complete their registration forms, intake sessions and fees no later than 5/17/24.]
  • My students are educated and well mannered, high functioning and convivial.  For those who occasionally tend to demand more attention, want to give inappropriate feedback and/or act out in any way, I do have a strong “Respectful Communication Policy” in place and several useful group rules which help to maintain a safe, harmonious and cohesive group atmosphere.  All are welcome, but there is no allowance for disruptive behavior.
  • Group members will continue to process their unresolved traumas in their individual therapy, not in this group. This is a therapeutic psychoeducation program. (It is NOT group therapy.)
  • Group size ranges from 6-12 students.

May this serve you or other loved ones well✨

Lisa Wessan, LICSW, CLYL, RM
Psychotherapist, Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Trainer (DBT)
www.lisawessan.com
🌀✨🌀✨🌀✨🌀

“The mind that is awakening laughs at itself a lot. It laughs as the echo of old patterns show up.”
Wisdom Quotes from The Way of Mastery (#23)

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From Borderline to Balance: Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (DBT-PTSD)

Abstract: This article offers a perspective on the impact of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) in treating Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and trauma. The author shares valuable insights on renaming BPD to “Intense Trauma Syndrome” for reduced stigma and increased therapeutic support. The post effectively conveys the author’s experience with DBT and the positive outcomes observed with clients. The inclusion of Solution Focused Therapy and reframing cognitive beliefs adds depth to the content, enhancing its value. Overall, it provides a comprehensive view of the transformative nature of DBT in addressing trauma-related challenges.

When I first became interested in the Dialectical Behavior Therapy methods and curriculum (DBT), one of my mentors said, “Lisa, I strongly advise you NOT to get involved with this work. If you offer DBT Skills, you will attract the WORST clients!  They will all be severely agitating with Borderline, Bipolar or severe mood disorders, it will be a nightmare for you!”

I heard what she said, and I did respect her opinion, but there was something so powerfully intriguing about the evidence-based science behind DBT, and the fact that so many people were getting well from it – people who had been considered “treatment resistant” prior to their DBT exposure.

I do like a challenge, however, and I was not afraid of this high risk population. Something inside me told me to continue…against the advice of this mentor, and other practitioners I knew.

It is now twelve years since my first DBT training, and I’m still excited to be sharing the DBT curriculum with adults (21+) in my virtual Zoom classroom.  I have had the privilege of witnessing hundreds of my DBT clients, in both individual and group sessions, go through this cognitive re-structuring process, shed their false beliefs, deconstruct their traumas, grieve and move on to have healthy, happy, contented lives.

In the process, I have learned that approximately 70% of my clients with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) suffer from severe co-occurring post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD),  related to traumas that occurred during childhood. These traumas were not processed or expressed at the time,  and they caused a corruption of the client’s personality, mental and social skills.

These unresolved traumas, when treated, often bring upon a rebirth process, and the client is no longer exhibiting the Borderline symptoms.  Therefore, I humbly submit that it would serve everyone if BPD could be renamed Intense Trauma Syndrome (ITS).

Here is why:

  1. The term Borderline is heavily stigmatized in my guild.  “Borderline” sounds as if someone is on the edge of a cliff about to jump, perhaps on the verge of…suicide? Murder? Something worse?  Witness my mentor’s advice above, plus, each week I receive calls from clients who tell me “No one will work with me because I am Borderline.”  This is frustrating and heartbreaking to me.  Why is this heavily traumatized group eschewed because of their condition? Where should they go?  How will they get well? If BPD were to be re-labeled as Intense Trauma Syndrome, I think they would be helped by more therapists!  But this requires more than a branding campaign…
  2. Borderline clients often exhibit highly dissociative symptomatology, chronic suicidality, and ongoing non-suicidal self-injury.  This is also a big turn-off to my guild.  Many of my colleagues will NOT work with suicidal clients.  Why?  Too much liability, too many collateral calls, too much danger. Moreover,  my clients feel as if they are tacitly shamed by the mental health profession for being Borderline.   Yet I have found that this population, when they are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, pick up these DBT Skills and other therapeutic interventions, and start their healing process.  They will always agree to a Safety Plan and stick with it. They learn, grow, and become healthier and successful members of society.   They do recover!
  3. When I tell my Borderline clients they have Intense Trauma Syndrome, and request that they stop describing themselves as Borderline, they start to feel so much better about their emotional challenges.  Many Borderline clients have described severe shame and self-hate due to their diagnosis. They feel hopeless and bereft of a cure. Receiving the Borderline diagnosis can make them feel worse!
    ⭐Here’s the H.O.P.E.  for Borderline clients,  Hold On, Pain Ends.⭐

Solution Focused Therapy

My DBT Skills groups cover the entire curriculum in one year, divided into three 14-week trimesters. This training includes the strengthening of the commitment to overall wellness and psychoeducation, DBT skills training, skills-assisted exposure, with radical acceptance of the past trauma and its effects on their lives.

Four leaf DBT

Finally, you explore the practice of self-compassion – as you learn to Fail Forward – and make efforts to build a life worth living. When a client has graduated from their Intense Trauma Syndrome to the more normative anxiety, career, dating, relationship challenges they are on their way to be fulfilled and satisfied with their lives.

The Intense Trauma Syndrome causes people to become quite polarized in their thinking. They often see the world in black and white, all or nothing, right or wrong, good or evil terms.  There is not much wiggle room for the vast spectrum of imperfection that exists in all of us!  One of the earliest cognitive shifts we work on is the ability to hold OPPOSITE VIEWS in their minds without having a meltdown.

Common Dialectical Beliefs

I teach that it is perfectly all right to love someone, but also to hate them at times. It is fine to be in a room of friends or family, and yet feel very lonely.  It is not a serious problem to want to go out, and want to stay home in the same breath. It is possible to feel strong and vulnerable. 

Prior to learning DBT skills, these opposing thoughts would cause a lot of stress for them, and cause them to feel as if they were having a meltdown.  To help them decompress from their polarized inner self-hating dialogue, I have learned to reduce their stress by saying, “You can feel dual emotions, you are ok and safe with these conflicting thoughts…In fact, you are not having a breakdown, you are having a breakthrough!”  This often helps them to reframe the intensity of their emotions into a more helpful and practical view.

Borderline1

What they need to learn is to go within and ask, “What do I need now?”  or “How can I make this better?”  Instead of saying “What’s wrong with me? Why am I like this?   I hate this!  I feel crazy! I can’t take it, I want to die!” In individual therapy, we can also explore their different Parts (with Internal Family Systems Therapy/IFS)  and gain understanding of their Exiled parts (Anderson, F.,  Sweeney, M. Schwartz, R.  2017)

I teach my clients to stop asking WHY questions, but to ask HOW questions instead.  When we ask WHY, “Why am I like this?  Why don’t I enjoy parties?  Why am I so annoying to people? Why is this person ignoring me?  Why do people dislike me? “Why am I still single?” they are on a slippery slope into anxiety and depression and possible self-harm.

When they learn to ask HOW questions, they start to change, “How can I make this better?”  “How can I be useful?”  “How can I learn to stay calm when I am triggered?”  The HOW questions lead to discovery, growth, healing and empowerment.

In Conclusion

Dialectical Behavior Therapy for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a powerful healing modality.  From my experience, those clients suffering with BPD are particularly helped by this cognitive restructuring process, since typical pharmacological and generic talk therapy interventions are not always helpful.  From my perspective, DBT serves as a newly installed behavioral software program. It is slowly downloaded into their minds through the completion of hundreds of handouts, worksheets, discussions, weekly practice and role playing.  In sum, the DBT behavioral software in their minds replaces their previously corrupted and faulty software that was hurting them.
Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2024. All rights reserved.

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How Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills help you learn to manage and cope better with difficult emotions, as “Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm” – S. A. Jefferson-Wright.

I’m excited to announce that we are hastening slowly to transform the world from the inner to outer, one DBT student at a time…

Lisa Wessan, LICSW, DBT Skills Trainer

Up next: we will be exploring “Emotion Regulation and Mindfulness Skills” from January 23 – April 23, 2024 in the Zoom Classroom.  (All registration forms, intake sessions and tuition fees must be completed by January 19, 2024).

Four leaf DBT

The Emotion Regulation module has four sections:

  • Understanding and Naming Emotions
  • Changing Emotional Responses
  • Reducing Vulnerability to “Emotion Mind”
  • Managing Extremely Difficult Emotions
DBT Mindfulness

The Mindfulness material includes:

  • Learning to be a good observer
  • Being non-judgmental
  • Staying in the present
  • Practicing being effective
  • Accessing “Wise Mind” (aka higher self, higher consciousness)
  • Understanding Reality Acceptance and detaching from negative or critical thoughts.

As DBT founder Dr. Marsha Linehan says, “It is difficult to manage your emotions when you do not understand how emotions work. Knowledge is power.”

During this 14-week program:

  • You learn to cope better with social anxiety issues, negative thinking and stop falling into the Blame Game.
  • You learn to abstain from the Compare and Despair syndrome.
  • You practice “Face it, trace it and erase it” as you work the DBT Skills and grow stronger and wiser with effective emotional regulation and self-expression.
  • You learn to access “Wise Mind” and regain your center, remain calm.  You learn to take a stand for your inner peace, and become bulletproof to bullies, others’ judgments and negative, invalidating remarks.
  • You learn to practice Radical Acceptance, as needed, and problem solve when possible. You are no longer living with victim consciousness.

If this DBT Skills training group sounds good to you, please get in touch with me to start your enrollment process. Just complete the Contact Form on my web site to begin (not to worry, this is a No-Spam Zone! Your email will not be added to any mailing lists unless you request it).

🌀 For exact dates, fees, insurance info, FAQs, DBT Flyer, videos and more details, please visit https://www.lisawessan.com/dialectical-behavioral-therapy

Onward and Upward✨

Lisa Wessan

Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2024. All rights reserved.

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