The Lighter Side of Transformation

with Lisa Wessan, LICSW

Some Mindfulness and Emotion Regulation Resources for a More Peaceful Holiday Season

Hi,

I hope this message finds you well.

During the holidays, especially Thanksgiving-Christmas/Hanukah/Kawanzza-New Year’s-Valentines Day, aka The Red Zone, there are many more opportunities to feeling the pain of Compare and Despair, neglect, arguments,  loss, grief and a boatload of intense feelings.

You may also be forced to spend time with a relative you despise, or be tempted to eat food or drinks that make you feel sick. Being triggered all over the place your impulse issues may be whispering in your ear, “Drink me, eat me, buy me, smoke me, shop me, gamble me, escape into video games/Netflix” on and on.

Everyone goes through this, but some of us feel it a lot more deeply.

To that end,  I want to offer you a few resources from my MirthMaven archives to help you get through The Red Zone.  May you find some wonderful skills and tools here to get through those midnight blues, or whenever the intense feelings feel like too much:

  1. Extra Tools for Letting Go  (Wessan, November 2018, 25 min). You may enjoy this useful and entertaining video of ways to quickly let go of harsh feelings.
  2. The Red Zone – Chock full of tips and techniques for help with this holiday season.
  3. Compare and Despair – added insight for social media distress, feeling left out, unloved, unwanted.

As always, let’s remember that “Feelings are not Facts,” and to practice being a good observer as the storm passes through you. “This too shall pass” and “Never Give Up” have helped to carry me through some tough times in the past.  

At the very least, remember to use the “Take 5” breathwork method: breathe in to the count of five, hold for five seconds, and release to the count of five.   Repeat for at least six rounds of Take 5 breaths, to get re-centered and regain some inner calm. 

May you have  a more  peaceful holiday season,

thanksgiving2

Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2019. All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

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One of my favorite dialectical quotes…

#DBT du jour:

“Love tells me I’m everything. Wisdom tells me I’m nothing. And between the two my life flows.”

– Sri Nisargadatta

What does dialectical mean?  Learn more HERE.

If you are challenged with depression, anxiety, social issues, relationship troubles, impulse issues or addiction, DBT skills will help you become healthier, stronger and more capable of coping with your emotions.  DBT is a Solution Focused therapy that gets effective results, and quickly!

Up Next:  Mindfulness and Interpersonal Effectiveness skills training in Westford, MA starts 11/06/19. Learn more HERE.

Fun fact: when you worry about the past too much, you become depressed; when you obsess about the future, you become anxious.  Learning to live in the present moment, aka practicing Mindfulness, can reduce 90% of your depression and anxiety.  Yes, you will still need to learn better ways to solve your life’s issues, but if you learn to stay in the  present  you will be so much more peaceful and useful.  Learning Mindfulness skills helps you get there.

If this speaks to you, please visit lisawessan.com and complete the CONTACT FORM.  I will contact you within 24 hours to discuss joining our next DBT group or working together individually, whatever you need.

Onward and Upward,
Lisa Wessan

Four leaf DBT

 

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Many kinds of freedom to celebrate on Independence Day

I am excited about my independence…

Lisa Wessan, Chelmsford, MA

Freedom from the bondage of Food, Fat and Fear!

Freedom from the Three Cs:  Complaining, Condemning and Criticizing of myself and others.

Freedom from needing approval from family, friends, colleagues, clients.

Freedom from depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and all negative thinking.

Freedom from FOMO!

Freedom from the stress of being Here but wanting to be There!

DBT Independent and need help

Freedom from all or nothing, black and white, dualistic thinking.  Dialectic thinking is a cure for recovering perfectionists, and a lot of OCD, obsessive compulsive, harsh thinking as well.

Freedom from Compare and Despair.

Freedom from jealousy, envy, lust, longing and cravings.

The only thing I do crave, however, is MORE FREEDOM!

I love feeling useful and peaceful, which is foundational for a life worth living. I also want to feel light and relaxed more of the time.

I want to feel “Serenity in the Storm,” as it is written:

“Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm.”  (unknown author)

Is my life perfect today?  Hell no!  Far from it!  I need to change SO MANY THINGS – I will spare you the burden of listing my ongoing pain, aggravation, losses, frustrations and deep sadnesses – but the good news is that these things are not dominating my consciousness.

I am not a victim anymore. It is no longer possible. I am 100% accountable for my life.  I blame no one for my difficult situations and expect no one to save me.

Yes, it’s true, with the help of G-d, Wise Mind, Higher Power, and my Army of Angels, I am the one who I have been waiting for! This is totally a G-d Job…turning my defeats into victories, and my scars into stars.  I have finally become bulletproof to the bullies, harsh people, fear and rage around me and within me. As it is written:

“…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4: 11-13)

🌀With the deep healing powers embedded in psychospiritual treatments anything is possible! 🌀

Yes, I’m excited to share this today – my New Normal – after decades of battling with depression, eating disorders, severe mood swings and more.

If you are still struggling, please hear me when I say HAVE HOPE, things will get better if you don’t give up.

HOPE HOLD ON PAIN ENDS

Learn and practice your transformative behavioral and spiritual skills (DBT or whatever) knowing that you are making progress and that “This Too Shall Pass.”

If I can heal and be well, it can happen for anyone.  I am just another Bozo on the Bus, hastening slowly towards Wholeness and Oneness.

May you have a healthy, peaceful and relaxing fourth of July!

Never give up! 

Onward and Upward,

Lisa Wessan

 

Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2019. All rights reserved.

 

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For Pi Day…Exodus 3:14 brings it home!

pi-day

Exodus 3:14 – Mysterious coincidence or deeper meaning?  Exodus 3 is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible.  Moses double checks, “Who is this Unidentified Caller?  When my clan asks me, who can I say is leading us out of Egypt?”  G-d responds, “I AM THAT I AM.”  This is a core teaching, instructing us that we come from this phenomenon of Oneness, and remain connected to IT, without ever being able to fully comprehend IT.

Plus, when we, as tiny creators, want to manifest things in our lives, we can use the I AM code to transform ourselves and our surroundings.  For example, each day, with the help of  the mysterious energy of the Universe, aka G-d, Source Energy, Higher Power, Angels, whatever works for you:

  • I AM becoming slim and healthy.
  • I AM becoming more prosperous and generous.
  • I AM decluttering my library, desk and file drawers.
  • I AM supporting positive causes that will restore balance and sanity to the world.

Yes, we can “I AM”  ourselves to shift and  transform in the direction we seek to move. There is an art to applying the I AM code to our lives.  Stay tuned to the flow of this learning around you.

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), we talk about the “Cope Ahead skill.”  This is the process of visualizing the preferred outcome.   So instead of having anticipatory anxiety along with possibly crippling catastrophic thinking,  we visualize a positive turn of events and pivot away from those anxious thoughts.

We learn to let it go and lighten up a bit. One could say, “I AM  X-Y-Z  and yadda yadda yadda.”   We keep DBT clear of any religious thinking to make it available to all traditions.  It’s important that atheists, agnostics and all kinds of believers can mingle safely and comfortably here and not feel shamed or left out.

Ironically, the “I AM” code is helpful even if you do not have a spiritual prelude when using it.  (From my experience, however, what I’ve observed over the years is that people who have a conscious connection to the Universe in any way grow faster and have more accelerated success in their cognitive restructuring process.)

On a lighter note…here are some Pi Jokes…

Why should you never talk to pi? Because he’ll just go on forever.

What was Sir Isaac Newton’s favorite dessert? Apple pi.

The mathematician says, “Pi r squared.” The baker replies, “No, pies are round. Cakes are square.”

What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter? Moon pi.

How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie? 3.14.

The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi is that it never ends.

What is 1.57? Half a pi.

What do you get when you cut a jack o’lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin pi.

3.14 percent of sailors are PI-rates!

[Source for Pi Jokes:  Newsweek – https://www.newsweek.com/pi-day-2019-jokes-celebration-1361317 ]

Enjoy your Pi Day!

Onward and Upward,

Lisa Wessan

 

Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2019. All rights reserved.
www.LisaWessan.com

 

 

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What do we cover in the Mindfulness and Emotion Regulation DBT Modules?

I’m excited to announce that we are hastening slowly to transform the world from the inner to outer, one DBT student at a time…

Up next: we will be exploring Mindfulness & Emotion Regulation skills.

For all groups (Adults, Teens, Mastermind Groups) we need a minimum of six and maximum of 10 students to make it work.  (Low/Slow enrollment just delays the start date until we reach six, usually within a week or two of the posted target date.)

Four leaf DBT

The Emotion Regulation module has four sections:

  • Understanding and Naming Emotions
  • Changing Emotional Responses
  • Reducing Vulnerability to Emotion Mind
  • Managing Extremely Difficult Emotions

 

DBT Mindfulness

The Mindfulness material includes:

  • Learning to be a good observer
  • Being non-judgmental
  • Staying in the present
  • Practicing being effective
  • Accessing Wise Mind (aka higher self, higher consciousness)
  • Understanding Reality Acceptance and detaching from negative or critical thoughts.

As DBT founder Dr. Marsha Linehan says, “It is difficult to manage your emotions when you do not understand how emotions work. Knowledge is power.”

  • We learn to cope better with social anxiety issues, negative thinking and get out of the Blame Game.
  • We learn to abstain from the “Compare and Despair” syndrome.
  • We practice  “Face it, trace it and erase it” as we work the DBT Skills and grow stronger and wiser with effective emotional regulation and expression.
  • We learn to access “Wise Mind” and regain our center, remain calm. As it is written, “Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm.”  We learn to take a stand for our peace, and become bulletproof to bullies, nastiness and others’ negative remarks.
  • We learn to practice Radical Acceptance, as needed, and problem solve when possible. We are no longer victims.

If this sounds good to you, please get in touch with me to start  your enrollment process. 

For exact dates, fees, insurance,  FAQs,  location, DBT videos and more details, please visit www.lisawessan.com or call 978.710.8039.

Onward and Upward,

Lisa Wessan

 

Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2019.
All rights reserved. www.LisaWessan.com

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My new beginning…first 10 lbs. off!

I feel grateful and liberated! | 14 FEB 2019 | Amazing! |

My years of trying to practice “Moderation Management” with my food have sadly failed.  But thanks to my sister’s polite perseverance, I signed up with the new Weight Watchers (WW) program on 26 JAN 2019 to try one more thing…and I am amazed at how well it is working!  I’m so excited that I’ve shed 10 lbs, and feel very motivated to keep this up, one day at a time, one pound at a time, until I am back in my healthiest body.

Years ago, when I was a young teenager, I went to WW to shed more than a few pounds.  It was a very negative experience for me at the time. I was fat-shamed, humiliated and often experienced physical and verbal abuse at home for gaining weight. In sum, when my sister told me how much she was enjoying it, I shuddered with PTSD and said, “Never.  I will never go back there!”

Being someone who steadfastly remains open minded and skeptical (truly dialectic), I was eventually persuaded to give WW another chance. So this is just a quick note to share my enthusiasm, hope and joy for this first 10 lbs.  It’s fun that WW has dozens of incentives built into their program.  These charms pictured above that are given for weight loss are sweet. But there are even more incentives with the WW new app.

The WW app makes it super easy to develop an advanced mindfulness of what we are eating. We can track all of our food intake,  scan the Universal Product Code (UPC) of nearly every packaged food out there, track exercise and make it meaningful with lots of rewards along the way.

Plus, scanning the UPC is a powerful education and exercise in mindfulness concerning food.  For example, knowing that one granola has 9 points for 1/3 cup, and another granola has 4 points, helps me make a more loving choice when I think of having some granola as part of my breakfast.

I also enjoy the live WW meetings. The topics are relevant, well thought out and are enriched with useful collateral graphics and discussions.  I usually attend two meetings a week, and get weighed once a week.  I look forward to attending. The WW meetings are inspiring, uplifting and often full of laughter and some tears.

I feel liberated –  I can eat any food in the world and still shed weight – as long as I stay within my daily points structure.  It’s subtle, it’s simple and it’s even fun to work this gig.

If you are interested in trying WW, use my invitation link below to sign up and we’ll both get a free month added to our plans. I can’t wait to be on the WW journey with you!

https://www.weightwatchers.com/us/checkout/iaf/?iaftoken=20A6A0ED00

To your best life ever,

Lisa Wessan

 

 

Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2019. All rights reserved.
 www.LisaWessan.com

 

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Moving beyond binary thinking: what are dialectical and non-dualistical truths?

“Even when all the experts agree, they may well be mistaken.”  ~ Bertrand Russell

“In preparing for battle, I have always found that plans are useless,
but planning is indispensable.” ~ Dwight Eisenhower

“The reverse of truth has a thousand shapes
and a boundless field.” ~ Michel de Montaigne

“Whoever is winning at the moment
will always seem to be invincible.” ~ George Orwell

“Family values don’t stop at the Rio Grande.”  ~ George W. Bush

“Sometimes you need to get knocked down before you can
really figure out what your fight is.” ~ Chadwick Boseman

What do all these quotes have in common?  They are blending opposing beliefs into a non-dualistic framework, which is, for most of us, is not easy to hold in our minds without some cognitive dissonance.

As those of you who follow me know, I teach Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills (DBT), which helps people live with massive emotional and cognitive dissonance and yet not have an emotional meltdown (or self harm from the pain).

For example, when you get into the DBT flow of consciousness, you realize that you can both love and hate someone.  You realize that on some level, you are amazing, perfect and rocking as is, yet you can improve.   You realize that you are sometimes brilliant, and sometimes really foolish, but still lovable, no matter what. You embrace the FACT that you inevitably will make mistakes, but you are NOT a mistake.  You are still awesome, lovable and worthy, no matter what cocka-locka-cuckoo stunt you got into, either consciously or unconsciously.

So dialectical thinking helps us get out of the black and white mental trap, the “All or Nothing,” Right or Wrong, Worthy or Unworthy, Perfect or Imperfect name game.  Practicing dialectical skills helps relieve so much of our nasty inner dialogue.  Over time, DBT gently muzzles the harsh inner Critic and lets us move forward with plans to grow, learn, change and improve ourselves, our relationships and our lives.

Borderline1

DBT makes it so much easier to “Disable the Label” of our diagnosis, gender challenge, financial issue, body image or weight issue and more.  As I’ve often said before, I believe DBT skills will someday soon be taught to everyone by the 3rd grade level.

It is essential that we all move out of this painful and extremely unproductive dualistic perfectionist damnation of ourselves and others!  Enough is enough, right? The exquisite radical acceptance that comes from dialectical thinking starts within, and then permeates into our relationships, politics and the world at large.

Yes, it is possible to temporarily hate ourselves for a few minutes for being a bit unconscious or even whacko in the moment, and then with the help of improved self-talk, gently shift back to a more bearable level of acceptance, possibly reach a more comfortable forgiveness level and then back to a more loving baseline. With training, this could be reduced from days/weeks of self hate to a few minutes…that’s a big win in my practice!

This DBT process uses evidence-based skills culled from the vast Mindfulness research, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Distress Tolerance and Emotion Regulation fields.  These skills help people move from being in the extreme of “Emotion Mind” or “Rational Mind” into their “Wise Mind” and function better on every level.

Ven diagram 1 Wise Mind

Here are some of the common myths that we deconstruct in our DBT groups:

“Dialectics reminds us of the many paradoxes that are built into our Universe:

  1. The universe is filled with opposing sides/opposing forces. There is always more than one way to see a situation, and more than one way to solve a problem. Yet two things that seem like opposites can both be true.
  1. Everything and every person is connected in some way, in the way that the waves and the ocean are one. It is also believed that the slightest move of the butterfly affects the furthest star.
  2. Change is the only constant. Meaning and truth evolve over time. Each moment is new; reality itself changes with each moment.
  1. Change is transactional. What we do influences our environment and other people in it. The environment and other people influence us.” (Linehan, 2015)

For today,  I challenge you to start letting go of your dualistic mind traps, and gently start to shift into a more compassionate, empathetic and dialectical mind set that will allow yourself and others to be good enough around you, as is, while you are all improving.  Here’s the emotional math: less judging, more inner peace.  Simple, but not easy!

Onward and Upward,

Lisa Wessan

 

Reference:
Linehan, M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets. Second edition. New York: Guildford Press. Page 150.

 

Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2019. All rights reserved.
www.LisaWessan.com

 

 

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What should I do about my Fitbit rash and other electropollution?

Fitbit rash | 29 DEC 2018 |

 

Ever since I heard of this Fitbit technology I was concerned about the possibly harmful effects of the radiation on my health and body.  But my concerns were swept aside when my nephew shed 165 lbs. strictly by using his Fitbit daily, tracking movement, food intake and using all the app can do.  I was inspired, and thought maybe it could help me release my unwanted pounds, too.

So I have been using my Fitbit since last November…the good news is that I have been tracking 10,000 steps or more nearly every day and it is fun to see the counts come in and get cheered by my fellow Fitbit friends.  My overall health metrics are very good.

The less good news is that I have not released my extra weight in any significant way, plus I just recently developed a rash from my wearing my Fitbit daily.

I’ve discussed my multidimensional food challenges in other articles, so for today I’m just going to share about this Fitbit rash, because I care about and love my readers here who might also be getting hurt from your  wearable tech.

Research on the dangers of wearable tech

I suggest you search at Google Scholar online for “Dangers of Fitbit” and “Fitbit Rash” to see what’s been coming down the pike on this topic.   For me, these were the three most interesting articles from reliable sources:

Do I Need to Worry About Radiation From WiFi and Bluetooth Devices? by Catherine Roberts, Consumer Reports, 3/1/18)

Why a Fitbit Harms More Than Helps Your Health  by Sarah Pope (The Healthy Home Economist, 8/30/18)

Wireless Silent Spring  by Cindy Russell, MD      (WirelessSilentSpring_-SCCMA-Oct-2-2018.pdf)

Besides the unknown effects of the chronic wireless marination of our bodies, there is clear evidence in Dr. Russell’s  report in the SCCMA about the dangers of this radiation for our birds, bees, trees and other wildlife.

Robert’s article in Consumer Reports gives some excellent suggestions to curb the exposure to radiation towards the end of the article.

I’m not here to preach anything to anyone, I just love our beautiful Earth and want it to be sustained for 10,000 generations and more. Plus, I want to see the epidemic of cancer be reduced and eliminated.   It’s very possible that our environment is causing this massive cancer phenomenon and we can do something to curtail this now.

Oh my, I know you will be annoyed to hear this – but we need to pull back and be more mindful of how we use our devices here!

Fun fact: When I was younger,  in between my careers as a science journalist, talk show producer and psychotherapist, I was a full time environmental activist for a while. I served as the Executive Director of the Strategic Defense of the Environment Group (SDEG).  Our goal was to preserve as much of the rainforest terrain as possible,  more dramatically, “TO SAVE THE LUNGS OF THE PLANET!”

SDEG  did have a very successful conference in Rabat, Morocco in October 1995, covered by five countries’ television crews, with 5,000 attendees. In sum, due to SDEG’s efforts, legislation was revised and improved in Brazil to reduce the deforestation dramatically, so we definitely had a positive influence. Plus all the Ministers of Environment around the world got to meet each other and create useful networks.

Why I stopped being a full-time environmental activist:  after SDEG I chose to shift from a macro career dealing with global transformation issues to a more intimate micro focus, dealing with individuals’ and groups’ transformation process as a therapist.  At the end of the day, battling governments’ legislation issues was not for me.

Solution Focused

For today, I support a bunch of exemplary environmental groups that are doing the work for me, as it were!  You can donate to any of these organizations and know that your loving kindness will be doing great things for our planet (for a full list of my favorite environmental charities, just request it below in Comments):

The Environmental Defense Fund, Environmental Working Group, Natural Resources Defense Council

Do cell phones cause brain cancer, or other harmful side effects?

One of the many things I did learn at SDEG is that even in the 1990s scientists were concerned about the cell phone towers and how the electromagnetic fields (EMF) generating radiation were affecting the environment, and us.

Shameless fact: I was the last person in my family and circle of friends to get a cell phone because I had read so much scientific research at SDEG on the dangers of  EMF.  I still never put my cell phone next to my ear.

Not so fun fact:  there has been a huge rise in brain tumors located by our ears.  Conservative estimates abound, but you can find many studies warning us now. This is truly a dilemma for all of us, who love our cell phones (and other wearable tech).

So for today,  I am going to need to retire my beautiful Fitbit for a while…at least until my rash goes away.  Then I might wear it occasionally, but not daily.

This will be my version of Moderation Management!

Slowly, slowly, letting go of my beautiful Fitbit…sigh.IMG-7095

For yourself, think about what all this EMF radiation is doing to you. Learn more about electropollution and how it affects you here…

Onward and Upward,

Lisa Wessan

 

I’m bedazzled by the EMF radiation around me! But is it hurting me?  More will be revealed! IMG-7073

Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2018. All rights reserved.
www.LisaWessan.com

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More PRESENCE, less presents…the Mindful holiday season

 

Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn’t come from a store. – Dr. Seuss

Christmas isn’t a season, it’s a feeling. – Edna Ferber

For it is in giving that we receive. – Francis of Assisi

May you practice connecting with more Presence during these holidays, and have less of a need for presents…and I hope you and your loved ones have a healthy, joyful holiday season and New Year!

No matter what, each day is a new beginning…

Onward and Upward,

With warm blessings and love,

Lisa Wessan

 

IMG_9056

 

Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2018. All rights reserved.
www.LisaWessan.com

 

 

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Thoughts for the Season

Thank You Gratitude

There is a crack in everything,

that’s how the light gets in.


~ Leonard Cohen

 

There’s a lot to be grateful for this season, and I’m grateful for the never ending Light that goes to any length to reach us…

I appreciate this verse from Leonard Cohen, that when you are having a breakdown , aka cracking up,  you are actually have a breakthrough.  Those cracks allow us to grow, learn and transform.

No cracks, no wisdom.  It’s all part of the mysterious dialectical personal growth process we engage in as living beings.  We are not aiming for perfection, but we are aiming for wholeness.

I hope this message finds you in good health, moving towards wholeness, having more breakthroughs than breakdowns!

 

Happy, healthy, spirit of Thanksgiving and holiday season,

 

Onward and Upward,

Lisa Wessan

 

You might enjoy one of my recent articles…

 

Wessan, L. (2018). Walk and Talk Therapy: Moving Towards Wholeness.  Social Work Voice. 16-17.

Wessan, L. (2018). When you are Addicted to Drama…

Wessan, L. (2018). Holiday Blues? Pause and Take a Mental Laxative (Forgiveness 101).

 

New Groups Starting…

UP  Next in Westford, MA:

Open Enrollment Period for Adult DBT Skills Group ends 1/3/19. This next semester we cover Mindfulness and Interpersonal Effectiveness.  Learn more HERE. 

DBT Skills Group for Teens starts 1/8/19. 

 

Copyright © by Lisa Wessan 2018. All rights reserved.
www.LisaWessan.com

 

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